Sunday, November 30, 2008

Revelation of a Jumpoff

I know I'm always talking about somebody fucking. Not because I want to, but because a small percent of people I'm associated with are always doing it. They haven't mastered the "mental of fucking", you know, Fucking Without Feelings 101.

I was fortunate enough to figure that shit out early. I started having sex at an early age. Thirteen. I'd say that's way too early for anyone to be having sex, but that's neither here nor there. As I was saying though....the guy that I lost my virginity to was also a virgin, and he happened to be someone that I truly cared a lot about. That's funny thinking from a 13 year old huh? I know right. Good thing is, almost 15 years later, he and I are still close. With limitations of course. Saying that to say, even though I obviously was not old enough to make decisions on who I care for and how much, I don't regret losing my innocence to him.

So it wasn't that experience that taught me that sex does not equate love. It was all the experiences in between. Ninth grade year I wanted to be like a boy. I wanted to get with a guy because he looked like he could do it. I had my first experience then approaching a guy and basically telling him what was up. However, I still ended up liking the guy, only to have him screw my best friend in the end, so......not a good look. So the lesson had to be learned some time after that.

Now fast forward to the reason for this entry. I talked to my friend earlier and found out she hadn't talked to her new friend in over a week. She met him about 3 weeks ago. Probably screwed him within the first week, and one other time before he went MIA.

See, here's the thing. She spent a lot of time analyzing this guy. His potential to be a longterm mate, immaturity, assets, liabilities...all that. And sure enough, he spent a lot of his time not stuttin' her ass. She realized that last week when she noticed that the last time she'd talked to him had been well over 48 hrs. Actually, it was probably the fact that she figured out she was getting the run around when she called his phone. And what grown ass nigga lets his cousin keep his phone anyway?! That's a topic that deserves an entry separate from this one...

So anyway, today I asked her if she'd talked to dude.
Her: No, not since last Saturday girl.
Me: Really? Wow.
Her: I feel like such a whore right now.
Me: People still do that? Seriously, who does that these days?
Her: I don't think it's ever happened to me before.
Me: Well, I think it's happened to me once, but by the time I got done reading that nigga he was trying to for real date me and shit.
Her: Oh well. Fuck him.
Me: Yea, fuck him. Another one bites the dust. He's going to call you. Watch. He's going to call with some bullshit. I give him 2 weeks. That muthafucka gon' call you and act like everything is cool.
Her: He ain't got to......

So tonight, I find out that she has indeed talked to this dude. And what did he say? He's been out of town. Now I'm not sure if he called her first, or if she sent him that lame ass-guess I was nothing more than a fuck to you- txt msg. I sure hope he atleast called her before she sent that shit. I wouldn't have texted his ass shit. That kind of shit goes against my code. Now the muthafucka is going to do just enough so that she doesn't think she's one of his jumpoffs, and she's going to fall for it.

And we're back to square one....why don't these folks learn something from me.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

20 Questions

One of my biggest pet peeves is being asked questions. And that is more than one question at a time.

Question after question after damn question. If you have to ask me something, and it's something that you specifically want to know, just damn ask. Figure out how to form that shit so you only have to ask one damn question. Don't beat around the damn bush. It doesn't take all that. By the time you get to what's important, I don't feel like answering anymore. I freakin hate being interrogated like I'm on stand.

Figure that shit out before you start questioning me like I'm the witness to the murder that just took place. Damn.

Friday, November 28, 2008


Same shit, different dude....

Now, I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed, shit, not even salutatorian. As a matter of fact, I don't even think I was in the top 20% of the class. But I wasn't last either. And I know I'm no dummy......

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this simple shit. Let me see how short I can make this story. If you are one of those women who are always on the prowl for a man, this just may apply to you. If you always meet guys, date them for a short period of time, then things just don't work out, I'd like to challenge you. I want to challenge you to do a little bit of self reflecting. Now I'm not talking to the ladies that are meeting losers. I'm speaking to the ones that meet what appears to be the same kind of guy. The ones that always end up treating you the same way. Some of us don't realize that we determine the way we are treated in relationships. That doesn't mean a dude won't attempt to treat you like shit, because he will. And if you let him get away with it, he'll do it again.

This is the situation. I know this young lady. Young, but too old to be acting the way she does. She wants to meet a nice guy. She can't understand why the guys treat her so bad. She's "nice" and she's also an attractive girl, but for whatever reason, the end result is always the same. It's funny that I know why, but she doesn't.

She's presently trying to leave her child's father alone, and in the process, she's meeting other people. I think that's great. It's lovely. However, if you ever want a guy to have respect for you, you have to demand it. And I don't think it's easy to demand respect with your panties at your ankles while your legs are spread eagle above dude's head.

It's okay if you have established a relationship with the guy that says "I'm not trying to settle down" or "I'm doing my own thing and could give a shit about what you do when you leave here". It's fine. And I've noticed the guys chase you more when you're trying to relay that msg to them. Anyway, what I'm saying is, you canNOT, absolutely canNOT sleep with a guy after the first date, and expect him to take you seriously.

The poor girl let dude run the "We've been knowing each other a long time, this is overdue" line on her. Me knowing of somebody for years is not necessarily an okay to go on and give him the goods after the first official date. Have I ever done it? Yes. Was it with someone I wanted to settle down with? No. That may be the difference. Maybe.

Now I won't keep wasting my breath. As a matter of fact, I told the chick to go on home once she'd escaped his "sexy" presence without screwing. She couldn't. She turned around and went back, and he banged her.....will he continue to call? Yes, why wouldn't he call his new jump off? Will he see her as "wifey" material? Probably not. I hope I'm wrong though.

Breaking Up

Is hard to do? Is it? Really?

Well, I guess that depends on your role. Dumper or Dumpee? I was thinking about break-ups because a little earlier I had a conversation with someone who's attempting to go through it. All of those feelings. Wondering if you're doing the right thing. If the other person's doing the right thing. Will the other person regret leaving? What will the family say? How long before karma strikes.....whooo? That's too much shit to be thinking about. Why can't we just get over it?Immediately. Oh, I guess it's because love doesn't work that way. Yea, that's what it is. I remember now.

Ain't nothing like a blindsided break-up to get your blood flowing. I remember mine like it was yesterday. Kind of. Shit, I know I was caught completely off guard. Just a couple months prior, we were talking about getting married, and all of a sudden "we been having problems". Well, it really is nothing like having some "problems" that you don't know shit about. Anyway, after 5 years of ups, downs, ins, and outs, I found myself having to start over. My friend had always told me to "keep an ace in the hole" for times like this, but I didn't listen.

I did however meet an interesting guy less than 24 hours later. He was a nice distraction while it lasted. Oh, and let's not forget me and the mall becoming best friends. I got a new wardrobe, new perfume, and new makeup. Hell, I don't even wear makeup, but it sure felt good buying it.

I spent the next several months post breakup studying, dating, more shopping, and getting to know me. Those were really good times. And just to think, that ex boyfriend of mine had had the audacity to ask me "What would you do if we broke up?" Nigga please. "Move on.", and that's exactly what I did. Son of a bitch. Who the hell did he have me confused with?!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Wedlock Bullshit

There's a rumor going around the world that being married is the end all, be all answer to everything. As a married woman, I have to disagree.

I watch ppl's youtube shit sometimes, and rather than comment, I just keep it moving. It's amazing to me how ppl think that everyone should live their lives the same way they did.

I find it absolutely mind blowing that some ppl think that because you're married, you're excluded from potential bullshit.
WTF?? So the latest thing I've been hearing has been all this talk about "wedlock" shit. According to some, women who have children out of wedlock don't deserve any help because they weren't married when they gave birth.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a good look to pop out child after child without being in a stable relationship (i.e. married), but.......I also don't think that just because you don't have a baby out of wedlock means that the father of the child will be responsible, or that the child will have a more stable life.

I think all that "married before children" bullshit is just that. Bullshit. Maybe back in the day, before divorce rates were so high, being married meant something. Divorce rates are too damn high for anyone to think that marriage=stability. It absolutely does NOT.

In a perfect world, no one would have sex before marriage, and ppl would take their vows seriously. But this world ain't perfect. A man that is married to the mother of his child is not necessarily going to be a better father than the one who is not. I don't see it. It's not reality. People need to start being damn responsible for shit they do. If you make fuckin babies, then be damn responsible for their little asses.

I mean is it really better to be married before you have a baby , only to get a divorce, or is it better to not even bother marrying someone just because you are going to have their child? Seriously.....

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Keyshia Handicapped?

Okay, so I was watcing Keyshia Cole's show tonight and noticed her whip her bad ass car into a handicapped park? Keyshia, seriously? WTF?

And what the hell is up with Frankie's thuglife boyfriend? Who by the way looks young enough to be her youngest son.

Oh, and one more thing. Why the hell does Neffe have a manager? What the hell career does she need to be managed? Last season she was barely getting a job at the damn toll booth.....I guess.

Fuckin on Furniture

I don't like the idea of fucking on furniture. Mainly the soft, cushy kind. If it's a hard surface, such as a counter or table top, that's one thing. But couches and shit? Hell no. See, hard surfaces can be disinfected. Even if I screw on my countertop, and someone decides to make a PB&J sandwich on that very same spot the next day, I know in my mind that the area has been disinfected. I may have a smirk on my face, but still, it's been sanitized.

You can't sanitize a fucking couch. Or the damn pillows. Men will fuck anywhere without a second thought. I can't stand a bare ass on shit that other ppl have to sit on and that includes a damn bed comforter. Bare asses don't belong on that shit. And ass juice definitely doesn't belong on it.

Ooooh I hate that shit!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

WTF Is You Calling Me For?!?

For real, seriously? You called me fo' times, yes fo', not four, not 4, but fo' times, for what? I was obviously too busy to get to the phone. Hold your horses. One damn second.......

When I'm at work, dammit I'm working. Shit. Then you text me to ask which department I'm in, and you want the number. At this point I text your ass back because I figure, hey, maybe you're filling out an application or some shit.

NO! I get back to MY desk only to have my coworker tell me you called.....WTF?! So now, yea, I'm going to call you back. Because surely this is an emergency. Boy was I wrong.
*her phone ringing*
Her: What the hell you doing!!??
Me: WORKING NIGGA, what's up?
Her: *giggling and shit* Oh, what you doing Saturday?
Me: Working,why? What's up?
Her: Oh, girl, I need somebody to keep ****** for me while I go to the game. I heard it was going to be cold and I don't want to have him out.
Me: better bundle him up!

Surely you didn't blow up my damn phone, AND call my office, to ask me to keep your kid while you do some recreational shit. Hell naw!! Shit naw!! I'm not going to blow up somebody's damn phone b/c I need a babysitter. Give me a freakin break! Ppl, take care of your kids. If you want to do some extra shit, and your child can't go, then dammit sometimes your ass can't go either! Hell, if you were going to work some damn where, that would be different. But hell naw. Shit, me and my hubby have to steal fuckin recreational time! Your ass is not about to get it all willy damn nilly! Believe that!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Those Atlanta Chicks

You know, the housewives of Atlanta....

Well, for the longest time, I thought that the "Real Housewives of Atl" was some fictional shit that, hell, somebody just made up. But after reading Jia's Blog, I realized that it was a real live reality show. And since I loves me some reality TV, I thought, why not...

So let me get into my feelings about this shit here.....if I'm supposed to be sitting home watching these ladies on tv, wishing I could somehow have their lives, ball out of control, and not have a care in the world, WRONG! It didn't quite work for me.

First of all, it appears that these ladies only "came up" because of their husbands. Now while I'm all for a woman doing her own thing, it's not quite the same knowing that if your hard leg doesn't provide your funds, the show won't go on. You monkey don't stop no show, however, in their cases, the show WON'T go on.

So anyway, as I was saying....these chicks.....

I won't speak on the white chick (Kim), because she's nobody's wife. She has a sugardaddy. Being somebody's sugardaughter hardly has any of the same responsibilities as a wife. Now the other ladies, wait, with the exception of NeNe, have been married, or are currently married to professional athletes.

NeNe married some real estate mogul, who according to gossip sites, just lost his house. How the hell you sell houses, but you can't keep yours?! NeNe is the one who obviously is not used to money. At all. One of the episodes I saw showed her hubby giving their child a check for $1000 (on his birthday). Not impressed. Shit, my toddler has that much plus some in her bank account. Whoopty damn doo. He could have done more. Especially since we know that they are putting on a show for the cameras.

The other chicks though. The professional athletes' wives/ex-wives....
Out of the three, my favorite is Lisa. She was previously married to the "S" of LSG. You know, Keith Sweat. Now I don't know what she did before she met him, but I'm going to assume that he was her ticket into the world of the "elite". I still like Lisa though. She seems to be the most down to earth. The last show I saw, her hubby was trying out for teams, and had made the Oakland Raiders team. I don't know how long ago these episodes were filmed, but that nucca ain't with Oakland no mo. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure that he's with any team. So again, not impressed. Who wants to be on pins and needles all summer long, waiting on some team to be impressed enough with the hubby to call him back.

The next chick, Deshawn or Shawney, whatever, is married to a basketball player. Who also no longer plays basketball. I think he's still doing something for the NBA though. She appears to be a nice girl, but I hate the way she enunciates words, or doesn't. She left the "l" out of sounded like "jewry". That shit annoys me. Because you sitting up here asking if your dad can basically have a bar in his room, because you got it like that, but you're saying "jewry"? Seriously? And I know she wears a good weave, and it's cute, but the fact that her sides are as thin as they are, and the rest of the hair just makes itself THICK, is just crazy. It would be better if she didn't show those sides so much.

But lastly, my girl Sheree. She was in the middle of going through a divorce from her professional athlete husband, who doesn't play football anymore either. She wanted a "7 figure settlement". Sheree is a cute girl. She has a great figure. And apparently she was married to her ex long enough to bear 3 of his kids. And speaking of "bear"....did you see the muthafucka she was married to?! SHIT! That dude is beastly. When I think of those two as a couple, the only thing that comes to my mind is...she must have been seeing $$$$$$$$ when she even allowed a phone number to be exchanged. Hell naw. I don't know if all the money in the world could make me blind to that ugga bugga. I mean, in order for me to get to that point of happy relationship/marriage, there would have to be a lot of secret purging and shopping on Rodeo Drive. And I don't think that would be enough.....Anyway, to each, his own. I do see why she had to go on and divorce his ass though. Could you imagine that muthafucka aging? Whew!

Monday, November 3, 2008

You Iggin' Me?

Am I ignoring you? Hell yes I am.

I see you calling me at random times during the day. I choose not to answer most times. Let me tell you why. I don't want to be "your person". I don't want to be the one you have to call with your issues. I don't want to always be expected to come to your rescue. Honestly, I don't.

It's one thing for you to need something every now and again. But this shit is getting ridiculous. Understand I have my own family that needs me. I can't keep having these calls coming in at crazy hours of the night, only for you to be on the other end of the phone crying and shit. I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR PERSON!!!

And what the hell are you crying for? Oh, you're emotional after child #3. Okay. I get it now. Well, lucky for you I can have a little empathy for you since I don't want you to have any postpartum depression. But you need to hurry up and get over this shit.

Now tell me again why you tripping because this sorry ass dude you can't get over is showing his ass. Hell, he been showing it. Surely it doesn't look any different now than it did a year ago, maybe 4. What's the problem? That's what I thought. Understand that you are making these choices. Now quit expecting me to drop what I'm doing in the wee hours of the night to play "Dr.Phil" to your ass.

As long as you know, I see you calling me. I'm just ignoring your ass.