Funny How Things Happen

So yea, about my new friend.....well, for starters, I had no intentions of starting any new relationships any time soon. In my mind, it would be me and the little one for a while...doing our thing...bonding and such.....well, that "planning" thing is a little funny sometimes...

This guy, my guy.....we met about 16 years ago....yea, 16 whole years ago. It was the summer before 7th grade, we met at summer camp. Back then he was the hott preppy guy, smart, nice legs....all of that. Well, needless to say, I snagged him. Yep, for one whole week, he was my guy. We sat next to each other on the bus when it was field trip time. We kissed, held hands....you know, regular 7th grade stuff. Well, I think camp lasted 4 weeks. He and I were "together" for about a week. I'm pretty sure I broke up with him once camp was over. I saw him the next summer during another camp, but we didn't hook back up. We remained friends, but that was about it. Since we didn't go to the same school, I hardly ever saw him. We'd run into each other at random places, but it wasn't often at all.

Fast forward a spell...to high school..I saw a mutual friend of ours and got his number. We started talking on the phone and did some catching up. I ended up being his date for junior prom. Senior year, we talked enough to kind of keep up with one another. Once we were out of high school, we kept in touch enough to know a little about what the other was doing......we ended up at the same college for a semester or 4 and kept in touch after that. We were always involved with someone so we kept it friendly...

Well, to make this story short, since I'm sick of typing now....we have pretty much done a lot of catching up since '06....and imagine this, just recently we were both at a point where we weren't involved with anyone, and BAM.....there it is. LOL! That's pretty much the story in a nutshell. We have decided to give each other a chance......so....I'm dating my friend. A very good friend....

Stay tuned you guys....this is going to be good.....

What's Good For The Goose....

is supposedly good for the gander, right? Well, maybe not. In my last entry, I'm pretty sure I mentioned something about my ex having a new lady friend, one with whom he was so serious with that he was contemplating moving miles away to live with her.....yea, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that......

Well, can someone please tell me why he's having such a hard time with me moving on as well.... I mean real tears and everything....WTF? Is he freakin serious? Did he honestly expect me to just sit around missing him? Surely not. I guess it doesn't help that my new guy has everything going for him that the ex didn't....his insecurity issues always did bother me...I haven't figured out what to tell him yet, and actually I'm not dwelling on it too much. He shall be okay soon enough....telling me, "He's nothing like me!"...um, yea, surely he didn't expect me to show up with someone similar to him....surely not.

Anyway, I'm rambling probably because I'm sleepy......

Meanwhile, Back in Babymamaville.......

I know I'm a little late with the "New Year" wishes and all, but hey, better late than never, right? I'm so behind on the blogs, I'll just have to do a quick update, then stay on top of it.

First things first, I'm free!!! Yep, I'm a free agent again. The divorce was final back in November. Close to one week after my last entry. I had no idea it would be that soon. I called the law office on a Monday to tell the lady they could proceed. She called me back that Friday to tell me it was done with. Imagine my surprise and excitement! I truly felt like a burden had been lifted. There has been nothing, as of yet, to make me regret that decision.

It's funny how you truly see people for what/who they are once you remove yourself from a situation. I had been with a "man", who for years, has sacrificed relationship after relationship, for his love of music. Wow. It's that serious. Well, for his sake, I hope he gets everything he needs from it.

On another note, let me just throw in the fact that before our divorce was final, he met another young lady. She happens to live out of town. Well, guess what news I received recently.....yep, he's contemplating moving out of town. Yep again. With his new boo. Now keep in mind, his reasoning is strictly for his music...because this city is up and coming in the music scene...yada, yada, yada.....basically, as far as I'm concerned, he's thinking about moving away for new pussy. And maybe something will happen with his music while he's there. At first I was pretty upset, mainly because I think that's the first step of abandonment (where the child is concerned), but it took me about 24 hours to get over it. At this point, I don't care what he does. He's not my problem and he doesn't have to be our child's problem either. I would like to hope that he realizes the strain that will put on his relationship with her, but I kinda don't think he does. And at this point, I doubt if he even cares. Of course he says he does, but that's what people are supposed to say. For me it's about his actions to back it up.....we'll see....

That's all for now. I'll return sooner than later!!!

Life's Updates.....

Let me do a quick recap on life's changes over the past several months....

So I clearly should be divorced by now....but I'm not. I actually should have been finally divorced back in September, but something happened. I had a husband that told me he would do "whatever he had to do" to make it work. I figured I hadn't done all I could to make it work either, so why not......

Well, let me tell you why not. For starters, he moved back in....that lasted all of 2 months, which brings us to the point we're at now. Three weeks before the divorce was going to be final, I called the law office and told them to hold off. The lady kindly told me I had 365 days to go on with the proceedings before the case would be thrown out. After he got back, things were fine for a spell, and then I started having flashbacks.....I know, I know.....I shouldn't dwell on the past. Well, guess what?!!?! I wasn't. The reason I was having flashbacks is because I was seeing the same behaviors in him that I saw a year ago, which had us at that point in the first place.

Now I know people don't change overnight. I really do know that. But for me, it was about knowing someone had the desire to change. He didn't. Not for himself anyway. And what good was it going to do him to make adjustments strictly for me. That never works. It would be like me having a problem with a fat person, and them only wanting to lose weight to satisfy me. I'd rather not have that kind of pressure on somebody.

I get that no one is perfect, but that doesn't mean don't strive to be better. And if you don't feel like there's room for improvement, nor do you have the desire to make any, what's the point?

I just decided that I wouldn't wait another year for him to show me the same person I've already seen......and I hate when people say "I'll do whatever it takes", when clearly there should be some kind of clause....like say, "I'll do whatever it takes, except"....................

Ugh.

Stroke Mine!!

Okay, so I have a problem. I have taken many classes throughout the years. Many. And while I don't profess to remember every.single.thing from those classes, I have a little knowledge. I mean hey, I still remember that song, Fifty Nifty United States , and I learned that way back when. I'm just saying.....

Even in life's lessons, some things have not come easy for me. One class in particular that I was not fortunate enough to take was Ego Strokin 101. And while in previous years, I have stroked an ego or two, I realized later that it really wasn't worth my effort. It only made for overconfident men (boys) who were not in touch with reality. Simply put, those bamas just run out. And yes, I did say "bamas". I hear the older women around me say things like, "Girl, you know men need their egos stroked!" Well, you know what? I need my damn ego stroked too. If I allow myself to "stroke an ego" that clearly is not deserving of any stroking, that could easily be a recipe for disaster.

Now while I don't think it's okay to bruise one's ego, I'm all about being for real. I can't allow myself to lie or pretend, just so a grown man can feel good about himself. Who woulda ever thought men could be so sensitive and needy. So clearly I need some help.....because one day I'm sure I'll be in another relationship.....and maybe it won't be so hard. That's if the guy is doing something worthy of the strokin......

Another Friday Night....

At home alone. Well, not alone for real. My little sidekick is here with me, but she's asleep. AND I can't talk noise with her so....

It's been fifty leven years since my last real entry, so let me just explain why. Kind of. A couple of months ago, I ended up telling my soon to be ex about my blog. Not on purpose though. My email associated with this blog was up, blah, blah, blah...Well, that somewhat took away from the whole "me" in my anonymous blog. And even though I didn't direct him to the page, and he didn't actually see the page, it still took away from it. When I originally started this blog, it was supposed to be my thing. The things that I want to blog about, or the things that I have blogged about in the past aren't necessarily things he would want to know about. And that's another reason why I was doing it. MY outlet. Ya know?

It's been an interesting few months for the fam... I guess those escapades deserve entries of their own.............

Too Long!

It's been entirely too long since I've blogged. Like seriously. I'm back though. Not literally right this minute, but really soon. Lots of updates!

Straight Up

Okay, I'm watching the last 30 minutes of Big Brother that I tivo'd earlier, so I figure I can do one more entry.
I just spent like almost 2 hours on the phone talking to Casper. Y'all remember him, right? The dude with all the skeletons in his closet? Well, anyway, other than his big cemetery he has in his closet, he's actually a pretty decent guy. And by no means does that "other than" mean he's a potential for me. He's so not. We have a nice relationship, especially since he doesn't know I know about his other life. And it's not important. Hey, no judgement.
So anyway, we're talking. Having a really nice conversation, and I start thinking. What kind of person am I? Really? What is it that I desire in a guy? Don't know.
What I did conclude is that I desire honesty. Even if it means I have to hear, from the horse's mouth, that I'm "not it anymore" or that he thinks about banging his coworker every Tuesday when she wears the red dress....whatever, I want to know.
It is true that everyone can't handle the truth, but for whatever reason, I feel like I can. And when I say "handle", I simply mean that my skin is tough enough that I won't completely come out of a bag on a jigga. Why can't guys be straight up? What is it with telling people what they think they want to hear? I'd much rather a guy "hurt" me with the truth versus lie to me and I find out later. Such as life though, right?
I have found, in my twenty something years of living, that the only way a guy will be honest with you, is if you're in his "homie" category. At least first. Then there's always that chance that the lies start after certain lines are crossed.
And I'm so sure that I don't want a romantic relationship with this one guy that I know is as honest with me as he knows how to be. That's a whole different story. He has issues that I'd rather not be a part of. Honesty and all, I'll pass on that.
Guess it's my bedtime now, but man, where are the honest fellas?!

Dying Over Here.....

laughing at my friend...Okay, you know what, it's not funny. It's crazy. And what's even crazier is that I said nothing. Absolutely nothing....let me just fill you in on the funniness....
Okay, so I talk to my friend tonight, and she's ranting and raving about this guy that she decided wasn't worth her time. Okay, that's fine. I'm letting her rant...AND rave. So apparently she said something to him that really ruffled his feathers. I'm thinking he told her to "lose his number" or something.
Why? Why? Why did this girl say "Girl, and then he spelled lose wrong. He spelled it l-o-s-e. I was like WRONG, it's l-o-o-s-e!"
I couldn't. I really couldn't muster up the nerve to tell her that it was she, indeed, that didn't really know how to spell. I just decided I'd pretend I wasn't really paying attention. I think I'll tell her one day. Maybe.

My Flaws...

What flaws? I'm pretty sure I'm flawfree. Okay, not really, but going through this whole divorce process has forced me to look at the "man in the mirror" (R.I.P. MJ). LOL!! Seriously though, I have done a little bit of self reflecting and honestly, I'm drawing a blank. Besides the fact that I'm always right, potentially selfish, NOT domestic, stubborn, and just an outright asshole, I couldn't find anything wrong.

I had no idea this divorce would be so emotionally draining on me. And most of it comes from someone else's emotions. I remember feeling relieved once I had left the lawyer's office...now, not so much. "I'll do whatever I need to" is what I was told a few days ago. What exactly does that mean? As if he could possibly be someone other than who he is.....boy, if it were only that simple. I love the way he thinks everything is going to magically be better. Like now all of a sudden the things he was unhappy about won't matter anymore. Sure they won't. I bet they wouldn't matter for at least 4 or 5 months. Hell, maybe even like 8 months. Who knows? I don't. What I do know is the issues that we have had in the past won't just go away.

Some days my head hurts just from reading a text that he sends. And a whole live conversation? Man, talk about frustrating. I've always felt like I had communication skills....well, I'm still convinced that when I speak, some people hear Latin or maybe French. I mean, maybe I am actually saying something that I don't know I'm saying, but for some reason I doubt it. Ugh....I don't know. I'll just be glad when it's over.

Marrying the Mob

My cousin "Tina" called me the other day to get some reception ideas. Yep, she has decided to go ahead and marry "Ike". He's going to make an honest woman out of her. I wasn't sure if I should congratulate her or not, so I didn't. I simply gave her a suggestion and that was that. After all, who am I to question why she would want to marry someone that kicks her ass every couple of years? Maybe their relationship is bigger than that. I bet those beatings are so few and far between that she doesn't even think about them until I call her Rihanna. Yea, it's not like I scored a "pass" in Marriage 101. It's strange though, because I got an "A" in Marriage and the Family. My teacher was pret-ty impressed with me. Hmmm.....

I've not ever had to deal with domestic abuse, but I'm pretty sure I heard it gets worse after marriage. And maybe she thinks that since she's been shacked up with him for that past couple of years playing house that it's the same. I have got to figure out how to approach this so I have no guilty feelings when he beats her to sleep again can say I "did my part". On the flip side, is it really my business? Of course it is, she's my little cousin. I love her dearly. She's kind of like the little sister I would have disowned never had. I'll just mention it again....ask her if she's okay being married to someone who could potentially abuse her on a daily basis. She's a dumbass tough girl, I'm sure she'll say she's fine with it. Man I hope his "Chris Brown" spells don't become a regular thing. That domestic violence thing is nothing to take lightly. Man I would hate for something to happen to her.......