Saturday, March 5, 2011

My Fake Relationship

Who ever heard of such? I hadn't. Not before I made it up. So basically, my fake relationship involves me and my "friend" that I fell in love with almost a year ago. This is the dumbest shit EVAR, I know this. Basically, what we are doing is keeping each other from moving on, but also not saying we are in a relationship. Stupid shit. Dumb shit. I seriously know this. The good/bad news is he's moving thousands of miles away in a couple of weeks. Sucks for me because I'm gonna miss him. However, maybe once he is gone, I'll be able to move on. And so will he. I type that shit with ease as if I'm ready for either one of us to move on. I'm not kidding this shit is dumb. As a matter of fact, it's so dumb, none of my friends really know the extent that we hang out or talk. Or text. I've seen this kind of thing before. Just probably not in MY very own personal life. I'm gonna miss him when he leaves. For sure. I don't think I've ever had this hard of a time moving on after a relationship. I know why it's different though. It's because of the relationship we had prior to our dating relationship. What further complicates things is the fact that we had the dating relationship. Because we obviously got much closer during the past year, which further jacks up the dynamics of our already close relationship.

He and I were the kind of friends that could go months without talking, but pick up where we left off without missing a beat. He was one of the few guys that I could call a friend, and know that he would always be respectful, regardless of any inappropriate thought he may or may not have had prior to us taking the next step in our friendship deal. Did we "date" when we were 12? Yea. Do I consider that some serious relationship of my past? No. Did I kiss him and touch his peen on the back of the bus on the way home from New Orleans? Yep. No regrets either. How about that! Lol. Even with the kiss and the rubbing of the penis, we grew older, remained friends, and were able to keep it friendly after that.....and then there was 2010.....

So I said all of that to say I have absolutely no idea how to come back from what we have developed over the past year. NO idea. At all. Not without the friendship being tainted. But maybe it's already tainted. I don't know. I just know that I never wanted to ruin what we had pre 2010. I'm preparing myself for the day of new relationships and fewer calls and texts. That's gonna be rough. I already know it. Or maybe it won't be. Maybe I'll become engulfed in schoolwork and not give two shits about what or who he's doing. We'll see.....

At least for the next 2 weeks I have a fake boyfriend. Whatever. We'll see.