Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Marriage Counselor

...it's what I've become. Not intentionally, and probably not because I'm the minority of the group that has been bold enough to actually be unhappy with someone and do something about it...it's probably because people trust me with information. And this is totally appropriate by the way. I can be trusted. This blog is pretty much anonymous, and I NEVER drop names :)


Anywhoo, first things first, someone I consider to be a really good friend has recently found out her husband of several years is cheating. And quite boldly might I add. Now, I immediately say (as if it's not obvious) that I'm not the one to seek for marital advice. This is because mine didn't survive. I wouldn't advise someone to just "get a divorce" because I don't like to see marriages fail. However, I understand. Ideally I would still be married to my child's father and we'd be doing the "happily ever after." Since it didn't work with him in the picture, I'm doing it all by myself. And loving every minute of it. I digress....okay, so yea, I'm not the one to be sought for marital anything. I'm no longer married. I told my friend to stick it out. Do what the Harriet Tubmans of marriage did. Tolerate bullshit. Give the kids a shot at growing up in a 2 parent home. Yada, yada, yada. I meant every word of that by the way.

Second things second, over the weekend, I found myself one of the most uncomfortable situations I've probably been in this year. I agreed to be a part of a wedding to someone I'd consider a friend (from way back), and it was just wrong. All wrong. During that evening and day of horror (read "rehearsal, ceremony, and reception"), I spoke with a girl I am familiar with, but wouldn't say we're friends. Honestly, not even associates. Definitely not enemies though. Basically what I'm trying to say is I went to school with her, but we probably only spoke to each other. Anydamnway, she told me during rehearsal about how horrible her marriage was going right now. She's been married for over 6 years, and she sounded like right now is an incredibly trying time. First of all, I couldn't believe she was telling me her business. Secondly, I didn't realize how cool the girl was. So after speaking with her about her marriage, and giving her the deets on my divorce, we came to no conclusions. I told her the same spiel I told my friend. Hang in there. Tough it out. Yada, yada, yada. And I hope she does.

Maybe the married folks of my generation do give up too quickly. I don't know. What I do know is there is something seriously wrong with society as a whole as far as the marriage bull. If people go into marriage knowing individuals aren't perfect, why is it that we expect them to be perfect? Or is it that we don't want their imperfection to be lying, cheating, and deceiving. I mean, honestly, that's my issue. I'd much rather have my guy's imperfection be something like he snores. Or farts in his sleep or some shit. NOT cheating. I'm not kidding, all of this marriage talk makes me feel like my expectations are all messed up. Why is expecting someone to be faithful unrealistic? I don't get it. Seriously. Anyway, I'm rambling. And I'm sleepy. I'm not proofreading. #POW

4 comments:

Saved Girl said...

Gwarl...I just wrote a VERY LONG response giving my 2 cents and it somehow disappeared! I haven't had my coffee this morning so I'm hella annoyed and don't have the focus to rewrite my comment. I'll just say that this was a great post and I feel you 100% although I ride both sides of the fence in regards to the debate of whether to stay or go in marriages...but these dayz, I am leaning towards the "go" side of the argument. There is definitely a different level of respect in regards to the 'commitment' factor when dealing with old skool vs new skool folk. I am the product of a 2 parent household and I KNOW that came with a huge sacrifice of my mom and dad tolerating a lot of BS from each other. I am proud to say that I had a healthy image of a relationship to see while growing up that I aspire to having today (the relationship they had when I was growing up, not the BS now, LOL). The benefits to growing up in a 2 parent household is priceless, can't even start to list the benefits, especially when referring to a young girl seeing a man respect/honor a woman...I know because of my parent's example they showed me, I will NOT accept anything less than the best when I get with someone in a marriage...or relationship for that matter. But on the other hand, I do feel that one should leave after the relationship has become sour and its just unhealthy and damaging for both parties. Doesn't the child see that while growing up too? Their parents being miserable together...and the damaging effects that come out of that (cheating, etc)? I'm all for being happy apart than being miserable together. Then (lol) it goes back to the whole notion of the marriage vows, for better or for worse!...see how I can't pick, both sides of the fence have valid points...but if someone had to make me choose, I have to side on leaving to salvage some type of personal peace/happiness. ...and no, I don't check that email anymore, that blog was honestly just a sounding board to vent while I got through my divorce (and I happened to meet some great buddies out of it, you noted! :p), but I'll email you my personal email address and we can keep in touch that way...going to check your profile for it. Later sweetie! :p (I guess it looks like I did rewrite most of my comment, LOL...good post)

Kingsmomma said...

I think divorce just wasn't an option back then so when folks cheated it was swept under a rug and not really dealt with (you saw Something to talk about) but I agree, I'd rather my future husband's imperfections be anything but dishonesty and cheating. I can't stand for it and won't. Been there done that, have the baggage to prove

Anonymous said...

This makes me scared, I just got married....

Misunderstood said...

SG, definitely email me! I was sure wondering how you were doing. Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about your parents. Mine got divorced when I was 7 so...
KM, I think you're right.
Anonymous, don't be scared. Just keep the lines of communication open.