Marrying the Mob

My cousin "Tina" called me the other day to get some reception ideas. Yep, she has decided to go ahead and marry "Ike". He's going to make an honest woman out of her. I wasn't sure if I should congratulate her or not, so I didn't. I simply gave her a suggestion and that was that. After all, who am I to question why she would want to marry someone that kicks her ass every couple of years? Maybe their relationship is bigger than that. I bet those beatings are so few and far between that she doesn't even think about them until I call her Rihanna. Yea, it's not like I scored a "pass" in Marriage 101. It's strange though, because I got an "A" in Marriage and the Family. My teacher was pret-ty impressed with me. Hmmm.....

I've not ever had to deal with domestic abuse, but I'm pretty sure I heard it gets worse after marriage. And maybe she thinks that since she's been shacked up with him for that past couple of years playing house that it's the same. I have got to figure out how to approach this so I have no guilty feelings when he beats her to sleep again can say I "did my part". On the flip side, is it really my business? Of course it is, she's my little cousin. I love her dearly. She's kind of like the little sister I would have disowned never had. I'll just mention it again....ask her if she's okay being married to someone who could potentially abuse her on a daily basis. She's a dumbass tough girl, I'm sure she'll say she's fine with it. Man I hope his "Chris Brown" spells don't become a regular thing. That domestic violence thing is nothing to take lightly. Man I would hate for something to happen to her.......

My Life

is just that. It's life. I can't complain, although at times I feel like it. Going through this whole divorce thing hasn't been as bad as I thought. I guess some days are a little worse than others. I think it would be much easier to deal with if me and the "ex" weren't still banging randomly were on the same page...as far as preparing for our lives independently.

I don't think I'll ever understand why people sometimes don't get the urge to get on the good foot until it's basically too late. For months and months prior to our separation, I feel like I tried. No, I didn't give it "my all", but I pretended to tried. And speaking of "giving it your all", why do people advise that? "You fight until you can't fight no more." "Give it all you got before you throw the towel in." What the hell kind of advice is that? What's left for me if I "fight until I can't fight no more"? I'm not Einstein or anything, but that sounds like it would leave me drained and bitter. I would much rather fight right up to the round that borders enemy ground. That way I can say that I gave it all I could before I ended up hating him. Yea, I like that much better.

I'm not sure how much longer until everything is final, but I really can't wait for that phone call. One of my friends suggested that I have a "divorce" party. Sounds like a plan to me. I just don't want the ex to get wind of it and show up shooting and get the wrong idea. I can see how that has the potential to be hurtful. As cold and heartless as he claims I am, he would probably expect it. I tried to explain to him that I care, I just deal with things differently. No since in crying over spilled milk, right? That's what I say. Hell, I cried enough during the marriage. I'm pretty much all cried out. I think. Wait, I did pretend to have a semi breakdown the other day. I do get sad that I pretty much sucked at staying married, despite the mental promise I made to our child. I'm pretty sure she'll wonder how we ended up together in the first place understand when she gets older.

Anywhoo, just had to do a little entry for general purposes. My life is probably about to get interesting though. I'm definitely excited to see who's what's in store!

Dear Sahel,

I have no words....................



I hope you're happy now. Surely the afterlife is not nearly as bad as paying two car notes and being heartbroken. Hold up though, how the hell you let somebody co-sign for a vehicle you can't afford? And please tell me you weren't banging a millionaire for shits and giggles. For real? All you got were a few trips and a truck note?



You rock.

Dear Steve,

I can't say that I have a whole lot for you right now. Although I know you aren't physically able to be of any comfort to your wife, your boys, your mom, or your brothers right now, I know you're sorry.

I realize that if you had known that the young lady you decided to acquaint yourself with had homicidal/suicidal tendencies, you probably would have gone for one of her coworkers. I won't chastise you about any of the events that took place b/c if you've heard it once, you've heard it a million times.

If we could turn back the hands of time huh? I'm sure you were a good guy Steve. Seriously. I just hate that you never grew out of some of your other ways. Although I don't know the circumstances of your relationship with Mechelle, I do know that it couldn't have been that bad. Not "death" bad. I also don't believe that your "friend" was worth your life.

I remember watching you play at Alcorn back in maybe '93. I remember singing that song "Hand Him the Heisman" and really wanting them to "hand it to you". That last game I saw you play in was good. I can't remember if y'all were playing JSU or not, but you did your thing. I remember seeing Mechelle that day, all dressed up in her Golden Girl attire. She was even more beautiful back then. If she could have forseen the future, I wonder if she would have taken the same road with a different approach.

I have no idea where your head was when you passed over, but I sure hope that you woke up at the pearly gates. Actually, I hope they let you in. None of us are perfect, I know that. Sometimes other people get to work on their flaws, or maybe some of us grow out of our immature ways, you just didn't have that chance.

If I could have chosen a way for you to go, you would have died alone. If you just had to die. I mean, we all know about your drinking problem. Being in an accident because you were driving drunk would have been a much better look. But none of us really get to choose the way we go. Well, your little friend did, but sane people don't take that route so she doesn't count.

We'll miss you man. I hope wherever you are, you are at peace.

Yours truly,

~me

Dear Mechelle,

The last time I saw you was several years ago...you, your mom, and the baby were out eating. I spoke briefly and walked away thinking y'all "had it made". Boy, that had to be at least 5 or 6 years ago......

I'm writing you this letter because although I haven't seen you in that long, I've thought of you every single day since the 4th. My heart hurts for you and those babies. Although I haven't physically shed a "wet" tear, my heart has indeed been crying.

I can't imagine what emotions you must be feeling, and honestly I can't say that I'd want to. I am so sorry that things have ended this way. In normal situations, we (women) at least have the opportunity to confront our spouses about their indiscretions. We can at least beat their asses until they wished they were gone....we can choose to say "enough is enough" and divorce them, then watch them suffer as we "clean them out". You don't have that chance. You weren't given the satisfaction of kicking Steve's ass one more time, or even that broad's ass for that matter. And don't get me wrong, I know that's not your thing, but still. They say that the ones who hurt you are (sometimes) the ones that make you feel better......well? I'm not sure how this goes.....

Everyone from the "hometown" knows what kinda man Steve was. We all know all the good he did for the community, but we also know somebody, who knows somebody that Steve "tried to talk to" or that Steve "was fuckin". Still, that wasn't the first thing that came to mind when someone said his name. But now, now it's a different story.

I'm not sure what kind of relationship you all had, but I just imagine you were too preoccupied doing other things rather than exert energy trying to keep up with the women that Steve entertained when he wasn't home. I don't know how that works. I, myself am a big time snooper, but hey, whatever works for you.

I don't see you publicly speaking about this ever, seeing as though you were never the kind of NFL wife that liked the spotlight. Surely you don't want it now. How ironic, huh? People were googling you like crazy last week. Hopefully this will all die down soon and you'll be able to have your life back to yourself. Take care. Kiss your mama for me, she was always one of my favs....

Sincerest regards,

~me