I Guess It's True

...when they say one muthafucka can mess it up for everybody.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I had a little day of reflection not too long ago. I thought back to the time in my life where I was having to mend a broken heart. It was my first TRUE relationship, the guy I honestly thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Five years of my prime I spent with "him", anticipating wedding bells, picket fences and shit.....you know, the "American Dream", when in one phone call, it all changed.

He was the one that I would do anything for. Anything. I had very "wife-like" characteristics in that relationship. I wanted to be domestic. I wanted our relationship to work. I wanted to "fix" it. I was forgiving. You know, all the shit that you are when you have NO damn sense. And I wouldn't honestly say I didn't have sense (totally), it was just one of those things.

I had never been so patient before in my life.....ever. After that relationship ended, I got a good whiff of Beyonce's Me, Myself, and I, then decided that it would be that way from that point on.
My patience is almost non-existent now. From the endpoint of that relationship to present, I have not loved the same.

It shouldn't be that way, but what can I say? It is very hard to give someone your all, only for it to be in vain. Why should I be expected to keep loving hard, in hopes that there will be one guy that will truly honor and cherish me? I feel bad for my husband because I know that I'm capable of loving a lot harder than I do. Atleast I used to be. I wish my husband could have met "me" before the broken heart. He'd be impressed. I guess as long as he loves me with guards up, I have no reason to let them down.....right?!?