Perjury

Yep, it was kind of like perjury. Or at least that's what it feels like. I'm talking about the lies my husband told me over a month ago. I've been sitting here thinking, trying to reason with myself. Trying to figure out if I expect too much from someone.....I've come to the conclusion that I don't.

Thinking back to that Saturday...I asked my husband all the questions that popped into my mind. I left no room for him to "lie by omission". I made sure I was very specific in my words so there would no stone left unturned. And he lied.
Now I'm not a perfect human being. I realize no one is. I have never expected him to be perfect. I wouldn't expect anyone to be perfect. However, I do expect honesty. Surely that's not asking too much. And this wasn't even a situation where I would expect him to just confess something to me out of the blue. This is me, asking very specific questions, about very specific things and expecting a truthful answer. Didn't happen.

I don't care much for liars. And I won't say that I'm not guilty of lying. I have lied. And I'm sure I will lie again. But not when it counts. I know I may sound crazy, but my husband messed up with me because he lied when it mattered. It wouldn't have been so bad if he lied about the cost of a shirt....or lied about taking out all the trash. But lying about outside relationships? That pretty much is a big deal.

I thought about Lil Kim. She lied....and it cost her a prison sentence. I know she had some kind of "hood code" and whatnot that she goes by. But I wonder if she would tell the same lie, and serve time to honor the code. I don't know about her, but I bet if my husband had to do it over, he would have been a little more honest. And maybe not even completely (whatever that is), but I believe the conversation would have gone a little differently.

It would have been my wish for him to be honest about the way he was feeling, outside people and all, so that we could handle the situation like married adults. I would have listened. I would not have yelled, cussed, or put him out. I would have wanted us to decide right then and there what we thought was best.....but, he decided to lie....at the wrong time.....

He claims he has regrets. Well, so do I. However, I can't undo what he has done. No, the fact that he and I were already having problems is not his fault. But the fact that he chose to top it off the way he did....well, yea, that's his fault. The fact that I don't believe much that comes out of his mouth...his fault. The fact that if there was an ounce of anything left in our marriage, it's gone, yea, his fault.

I think it's so funny how people do things in the moment, then want everything to magically be better. I wish it worked that way, but clearly it does not. You don't get to hurt people, play with them when you get ready, and then think that a tear, a pout, or an "I'm sorry" is going to fix it. Not here anyway. I'm over it.

I wouldn't dare try and speak on the character of every single man in the world, but I can say this, if I have to be with a liar or cheater in order to be with someone, I'll pass. If I've never known my worth before, I sure know it now.