Why Is This News?

For the past several days, I have felt like I was on my deathbed. Ignoring calls, half responding to texts....not eating...all of that kind of stuff. My phone rings yesterday, and it's my cousin. One of the foolish ones. Because I had ignored her call days before, I decided to answer. Now let me go ahead and put this out here. Very seldom does she call me and actually want something....so why would I assume this time would be any different? I don't know what I was thinking.

This bitch is immediately singing on the other end of the phone about having some "good news" for me. She says the shit twice, and I'm like, "Damn. What is it?" I have you know this bitch called me to tell me she fucked some dude that we grew up with. I don't care. Not even a little bit. She had already exaggerated about the size of his dick, then sent me the picture of the fabricated dick, like I can't damn see. So anyway, yea, she calls me about good news of her fucking, like it's some shit I should tweet about. I could even see if this was her first time. It's not. Not even almost.

I have never been the type to want to share the explicit details of my sexual encounters with my friends. Or relatives, for that matter. But for some reason, some of my folks want to tell me about every nook and cranny their dicks hit while they are getting their backs beat out. Why the hell do people think I wanna hear this shit? I don't!!! Damn. These crazy ass bitches.

Twitter and Facebook....

are just pathways to destruction. I'm not much of a twitter/facebook stalker. Wait. Yes I am. Sometimes. But check it out. The ex (hub) follows me on twitter. I don't follow him, but clearly I get nosy sometimes. Tonight was one of those times. So I'm checking out this broke nigga's timeline, and he all talking about he out eating at Bonefish and shit. Well, I've never been one to want somebody starving, but um er ruh....nigga, don't you owe me almost a grand? Oh. Ok. That's what I was thinking. I let him have it the other day when he mentioned having to get his hair twisted so he doesn't have to start work on Monday lookin a fool. But luxury eating out and shit? When I snacked on fucking catfish nuggets courtesy of my aunt? Please. I wants my money.

And he'll do shit like pay me a little something here and there, toward his steadily rising balance, but this shit here....nope. I'll be sending him a courtesy text either NOW or tomorrow about when he plans to make his next deposit. Fuck it. I chose "NOW". And yea, it's almost midnight. I gives not one damn....okay. So he says he'll be making a deposit. He better be. I can't stand that shit. Don't owe me money and decide every damn thing else is more important than what the hell you owe me. And I hate when I have to hear, "You know I had to pay so and so." As if I don't have other shit I have to pay too. Like yea, I'll tell the people at the baby's preschool that I don't have her tuition because I had to pay the mortgage. They don't give a damn. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There Isn't Anything Wrong With Me

Except my taste in guys, obviously. Now let me preface this post by saying...I'm not some lonely chick that sits around waiting for my perfect man to show up. I'm okay with being by myself. Like 99% of the time. And then a night like tonight, when I have too much free time, that shouldn't be free, I find myself thinking way too much. It doesn't help matters much that I'm a self proclaimed music buff. I'm all about some pandora. And these songs, they just... I don't know. I don't like rap. Not enough to create a "Dr. Dre" station on 'dora, anyway. So yea, 10 times out of 10, the songs that play will have some kind of "love" undertone. Wait. Sometimes pandora will slip some shit in on you. Like seriously. I was listening to my "Tamia" station the other day. They played like 2 Tupac songs. Nearly back to back. WTF?

So yea, what I'm saying is, I don't get lonely per se, but every now and again, I reflect on relationships that didn't work out. And I can't help but tell myself, for the upteenth time, I'm awesome. The guy that ends up with me is going to be one lucky fella. I can say this with confidence because, well, shit, because I'm me. I'm cracking myself up. My worst fault is that I'm not a neat freak (read "hoarder in the making"). But hell, I can pay somebody to come clean all this shit up. And actually, one day...as I've been telling myself for the past couple of years, I'm gonna. That is one thing I'll give the ex (husband) credit for. He could clean up some shit. Hell, I know he needs some extra money. I'm thinking about decreasing his debt in exchange for an hour or 2 of his cleaning services....what? Oh. I'm just saying. Shit.

But yea, back to the post. So, you know how you see a beautiful, smart, witty, _____, _______, (insert whatever wonderful qualities in those blanks that you'd like), and she's single. Or she can't seem to keep a man? It's normal ( I guess) for one to ask, "What the hell is wrong with her?" Well, I feel like sooner or later, someone will be asking that about me. And I swear, I've already asked myself that. The answer remains the same. There's not shit wrong with me. It's these blind mofos that don't realize how awesome I am. And I'm not upset, they need to be wherever they are. That doesn't include wasting my time (or theirs). I mean yea, so what, I don't make my bed up every single time I get out of it, but shit. Is that the worst thing I could not do? I could NOT give a damn about the well being of my potential significant other, but that's not how I roll.

Whatever though. I try to take moments like these (single moments) as time for me to regroup and do whatever the hell I feel like doing. Life is good. I can't complain. I've never felt like I needed a hard leg to complete me. I'm fine loving on my child every night. We cuddle too. It's like she can smell me when I get in bed. She just eases her way right over to my neck so I can keep her safe while she sleeps. And has nightmares about things that are less scary to me...yea, me getting her out of my bed and into her own...well, that will be a totally different post in itself. :)

I Have Nothing...

(like Whitney said) better to do right now that blog. Actually, take that back. I should be asleep, but I'm not. However, I'll try to make this quick enough so that I'm sleeping in the next 37 minutes. So much dumb shit has been going on around me, it's hard to pick one particular thing to talk about.....and since I have no life (AGAIN), let's examine the likes of someone else's.

Today, we'll touch on my child's dad. I've already mentioned the fact that he has another child. Well, let's rewind a tad, to the way I found out about this poor conception. And let me clarify, the kid is really a cute kid. I mean, I held him and all. Really cute kid....okay. A few months before I found out there was a baby on the way, I noticed, let's call him child's father (CF) was acting weird. On edge....and like really stressed out. So every now and again, I asked what his problem was. Of course I got the "nothing" answer pretty much 100% of the time. Fast forward a few months. I'm on the phone with my cousin, who is still cool with CF for some unknown reason. She says to me, "I have something to tell you. And you better not say anything!!" Well, I knew it had something to do with him. I just knew it. And not only did I know THAT, I also guessed the secret. "She's pregnant?" After getting my confirmation, I yelled "I KNEW IT!!!" like 8 times. I don't know if I guessed it because I feel like he's against condoms or because of his obvious stress, but...I don't know. The kind of stressed he was only comes about if there's some kind of positive blood test, or a baby....thank God it was the latter. Ha. Wait. Not funny.

So I manage to keep this information to myself for a few weeks. Then I got my cousin to flip the shit around on him so that he would think I told her...after a little scheming, my mission was accomplished. He knew that I knew, yet waited another month to confirm it. And I'm sure he didn't want to tell me because he was embarrassed. Hell, if I were a thirty something year old dude, unable to consistently pay $500 a month for my first child, AND had another coming, I'd be ashamed too....but he finally let it out. I laughed. A lot. As he probably figured I would do. I couldn't help it though. It was funny. Look, it only took me having one child to know what to do if I didn't want anymore....

I began making jokes about once or twice a week. Told him I'd sell him some of my old baby stuff for the low. Of course he didn't find it funny. And actually, I wasn't joking when I offered him some of the stuff. I mean, I was giving him a substantial discount on top dollar shit. Damn.

So now that the baby is here...he's managed to still take care of his fatherly duties. In every aspect but finance.....sigh....and he's gonna start working that job. So...that's good, right? Oh, and not to mention he's been trying to get his ass back over here. That's another post in itself. Which I may save for next time....but yea. Two baby mamas, no job yet, no clue, NO nothing... I'm honestly just glad that he's not my "in house" problem anymore.....I think my time is up...Gotta go to bed.......